Dating limerence after breakup reddit I was told 2x the length of active contact. When I was dating B I wasn't obsessed or anything remotely close to that, I have healthy boundaries and it takes me time to fully get attached to someone. My ex dumped me last month after 2 years together and was on the dating apps looking for casual sex before I'd even moved out of our apartment! Doesn't seem healthy to me at all, even if they've already checked out of the relationship months before the breakup. 5 seconds, like I was. Love (hopefully!) comes later with more oxytocin exposure, and leads to a desire to stick around and raise the kids. He within 2 months of being together told me he was falling in love with me and soon after declared he was in love with me. We did a few days of NC and all of a sudden we were talking everyday again, flirting, everything was the same. I had been doing a good job not paying it too much mind and just accepting that little reminders of her in things like stuffed animals and fancy cheeses I downloaded dating apps to fill a void a couple of weeks after the breakup. I transferred my job back to my original home in Washington state in June 2015. We've been texting for the past 3-4 days and she seems really sweet, the conversation is great and I'm interested in her. I was the first guy that treated her right and literally took care of her and her daughter, loved her unconditionally. The first person I became interested in brought on a huge surge of limerence and I’d forgotten how those feelings affected me. I’m going to be honest. For a while, it starts to feel like it’s helping, but you’re still completely uncomfortable with the idea that anyone could actually love you in an emotionally secure way. " Aug 22, 2024 · I understand that limerence is an unhealthy obsession that is not based on reality and based off of the person that you want them to be and their Jun 6, 2023 · Explore how long limerence will last before and after a breakup. Learn factors that influence its duration and paths towards resolution. 19F. We must have broken up 2-3 times before the "real" breakup, which was amicable and initiated by me, though I found myself in a whirlwind of terrifying emotions soon after. It’s a good distraction for me. things weren’t working out for us, and he became even worse with alcoholism; didn’t touch or kiss me anymore, and we’ve lost all intimacy. Now she started dating a guy after talking for a week at the 7 month mark. I couldn't, I was hurt. It completely destroyed me. true. After I’ve spoken to a few people I understand why there is comfort in them. Really, I was on that dating app for the wrong reason. my limerence is directly caused by my breakup. I was in a similar situation. However, this time In the past couple months after my breakup, I have grown in ways I never thought I would grow. Sounds like you have nothing but hard choices to make. so he wont smoke and drink but he has gambling and Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. we basically just became roommates for several months. Normally after my LE's I take like a few months not dating anybody, cause I feel I'm heartbroke and can't really fall into other people. To cut a long story short, I don’t think it’s mean if the break up is certain and you’re definitely split up. Limerence is based on fantasy. She is 100% happier she is now than she was in our relationship and if she felt ready, then she was ready. It was every 4 to 6 weeks after we married and then it went up to 6 weeks to 3 months after the first year. Do you have a personal timeline you put on before you start dating again? I’m someone who generally dates extremely quick after a breakup. Aug 24, 2024 · I started dating again a couple of months after breakup (2 year relationship). One, I'm still in love with my ex and two, I felt like I was betraying her someone. It takes time. Pure torture as I will never cheat. She(24f) has half her body tattoed, she’s very cute, had quite a past (even had an onlyfans) and a bad reputation. It's taken a couple of years to fade gradually, everyone has their own timeline. Somehow that repeated rejection combined with the constant hope that a reconciliation was around the corner made it the worst and most long lasting limerence I've What bothers me about limerence is that it takes our most valuable posession; time. I thought after having my feelings reciprocated the limerence would stop but if he doesn't text me for 24h my mind starts making up reasons why he doesn't like me, why I'm not interesting enough for him to want to talk to me, that maybe he doesn't really like me anyway, that he is Hello! My ex recently left me for her ex. i started liking him after i left school and we would text/snap and i think maybe bc i was getting some attention from him i just wanted him. He has became a very good friend. It was 5 months post breakup. I was reluctant to start using dating profiles a while back because I wanted to focus on myself a bit after having a long-term relationship but then I met my current LO and my brain somehow managed to bypass my sense of "you need more time after your long-term breakup" by convincing me that there was a slim possibility that my LO had broken up with their Haven't dated in 3 years since the breakup with my first relationship which lasted around 3 years too. Nakita ko fb nya may anak na sya and though past wounds have already healed. It was so, so awkward! What you had with your ex was special, except in rare cases or with narcissists, people can't just find that bond immediately after a break-up. The last 4 or 5 months were not good l, and the final month was a break before the breakup, so there was a lot of time distancing before the official end. She was messaging me first, it was never me initiating (my pride saved me). Limerence lasts at most 3 years and is gone forever. I understand how you feel. So I’m just 2 months post break up and this group has been a big help to me so I’d like to share some tips that helped me get from point A to where I’m at now. but that’s just me, others disagree, and it definitely depends on the situation. I met this other guy maybe like 2 weeks before the breakup and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since and it’s been like 6 weeks. Love can grow after limerence, yes, but it will never be a high as intense as limerence. There’s been three different people over this time period. Ayun she accepted my apology naman. there are a few sliders for different things we want in a person and if you pull on one it takes away from another. you cant find all the sliders up to max. i’ve decided i am in limerence for this one guy and have been for a couple years. Worked on my mental health and just tried to have fun during that time. Now, they may have loved you or something about you to some capacity but what I have learned is it doesn’t matter if they did because they don’t now and if they did, it wouldn’t be so easy for them to jump into something else. Limerence just sucks all around. We have very limited communication now, it's been 9 months since we 18 votes, 34 comments. I ended up getting LO that worked at the grocery store. Which seems strange since a "normal" breakup/divorce is said to take about 1/2 the time of the length of the relationship. January 2021 I was in a relationship that I had been in for 5 years. Only recently, after about half a year or so later, the limerence is finally more under control again, and I think that is due to she has "warmed up" more to me and there is more reciprocation that has happened, and maybe also my brain is better at controlling and rationalizing things again. I was working hard on picking myself back up and trying to make it seem like I was doing a good job at it. Limerence is the initial drive to spend enough time with someone to fall in love. I guess I just don't know if this counts as limerence or regular breakup struggles for someone with low self esteem. I'm really confused about other people's dating strategies when this has been my bar for love my whole life. Now I’m going on 7 months post breakup and just recently met a girl on a dating app who I really enjoy. In your case, I would guess 4 years after NC you will be free. Dodged a bullet with that one, turns out he was cheating for years. I objectively know she's not the person for me as she told me she wants kids and I was not treated with respect during the relationship. Getting back into dating after a breakup - feeling confused and demotivated I'll try and keep this as short as possible but I've put a TL;DR at the bottom just in case. I wanna talk to them everytime something happens and tell them about it. If I don't want to educate about limerence, I just tell people that I need to feel a "spark" or it isn't going to work. The person I’m in limerence with now I really did not seek out like I did the other two. It took me a little over a year until I felt like I was over it and I wouldn't think of him often. Throughout this time, I learnt a lot of important things to help me overcome my limerence. Yes I went through that sub reddit a lot when I was married for almost 9 years. All of my “potential partners” I’ve met through the internet since I’ve never really had the social circle irl to meet new people. I’ve never felt so outed and crazy at the same time, in my entire life. Despite her dumping me a year ago. Was my first breakup and we were together for 4 years. Like it was looking for something. Honestly the month after the breakup was blurry. It’s taken me a solid 6 months to sort of move on. He was the first guy to text me and we just kept talking from there. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. 4 months after i moved out of our shared apartment. Limerence is very powerful and it hits us automatically. Then I went on a 5 week Florida vacation and got back March 7th. Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 13 votes and 8 comments Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. But my ex is pretty mad at how quickly I saw someone else,and frankly i’m slightly embarrassed at how quick it was Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Worse than dating while limerent, IMHO. I cut off contact with him a few days after our relationship ended definitively, even though I told him I'd like to stay friends. Just not suck c: So shortly after my breakup (we're talking within a month), I decided to start using Tinder and OKC. Messaging random dudes, talking about random topics, having a laugh, flirting I had a "favorite" guy on there, the one I'd message the most and respond to quicker. Hindi naman sa matagal magprocess ng breakup but probably just want to avoid further pain and heartbreak in the early stages after. You'll have to work past these feelings for her in either direction, stop wanting to be in a relationship with her or stop being her friend all together, cuz I don't think you wanna suffer like this forever, and it's stopping you from making any other romantic connections. But they happen for a reason, and better after six months than six years. Its subjective honestly, depends on how long you were together, reason for the break up, etc For me after a 8ish year relationship about 3 months post break up until I got on dating apps for casual type of things about 6-7 months post break up until I started looking for more serious long term things again I figured I would write a post chronicling what dating was like for me shortly after my breakup to where I am now. Places like therapy and close male friendships. Especially because my ex was an avoidant it left me extremely emotionally exhausted. I read that limerence is different from an obsessive crush in that a limerent individual may not necessarily want to be in a relationship with the other person or may not even be concerned with the other person’s happiness or well being - they obsess about whether the other person reciprocates their desire. Basically, she started dating ~2ish months after she broke up with her ex, we met, it was amazing, we had a blissful few months. I married my husband specifically bc I wasn’t limerent for him. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their May 23, 2020 · After a few years of studying the neuroscience of limerence, I now understand how some common dating behaviours could really exacerbate the negative consequences of limerence. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with it. “Limerence for a particular LO does cease under one of the following conditions: consummation - in which the bliss of reciprocation is gradually either blended into a lasting love or replaced by less positive feelings; starvation - in which even the limerent sensitivity to hope is useless against the onslaught of evidence that LO does not 50K subscribers in the limerence community. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their I waited about 5 months after the breakup. She said she feels more compatible with the new guy then her ex (think they dated for 3-4 years?) Now she's married to the guy she and having a kid. Does anyone feel even more lonely and sadder using dating apps after a breakup? I ended a situationship 2 months ago, recently I’ve been trying to use dating apps again and it made me feel even worse I went on 3 dates with someone and decided to stop and had a bunch of matches, but don’t really feel like talking with any of them. Need for approval from someone who mirrors a prior relationship or attachment figure, etc. I am currently in the mindset that Limerence is early/young love in a relationship. I’ve done a massive amount of learning about limerence and psychology in the wake of the breakup. I don’t believe that’s where the problem is but I’m trying to give y’all the full picture. But remind yourself that you didn’t really know this person - you’re grieving a fantasy that never existed, and if you were having disagreements after a MONTH, I can promise you that relationship would have been miserable long-term! That delusion has gotten me before. and now i have to deal with 2 rejections. She flaked on plans quite a few times and even flaked on a weekend trip we had planned on Oct 21-24. personally, i think it’s a little disrespectful not to wait at least a month or two before dating again after a serious, long-term relationship. I never got over it. Recent break up hurt and rejection from coworker I’m currently very hungover and fragile so please be kind. Last week I broke things off with my (27f) partner of 3 years because it just wasn’t working out. It doesn’t suck any less because the breakup was a short relationship. I’ve been trying to stop this toxic cycle and finally think I’m interested in someone for whom I am not limerent. Just stay strong and work on doing nice things for your SO and Breakups suck. Just curious to see what everyone says. All mainly online. I’m not sure where it will go. As the dumpee,I assumed it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t expect it, but after 7 yrs of marraige, I fell limerent for another married. My WH's affair tracked similarly to our own dating. this sub is for advice about specific dating situations not general debates. Limerence drives me crazy and raises all my insecurities. Just don't set someone up like you're serious about them or lead them on if you're not interested after a few dates. I can’t give up on the LO despite trying, but my limerence is way more under control than it was about a month ago. Ako din nag-message ako sa isang ex ko after about 4 years to apologize. For me knowing about limerence, I know I am looking for mutual limerence and I'm up front about it. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Posted by u/Acceptable-Emu-5501 - 14 votes and 5 comments Now we've been casually dating for almost a month and my limerence for him oscilates based on how he treats me. But I also love the highs. 2021 has been a trasnformative year for myself. my ex of 10 years moved away in May. r/limerence She had begun moving her things out during month 7 or 8 while we were still dating, but stayed with me to help me recover after a minor surgery. We started going out, had good sex connection and we are going on dinners (I consider myself quite conservative in some aspects of my life) hang outs and movies. I do miss the feeling of having a partner sometimes, but I'm too busy with figuring myself out and where I wanna go, not much time to even think about "dating". ex broke off our relationship of 3 years and tldr she was back on a dating app a couple months after while i took nearly 6-7 months to even phantom dating again. There’s always something behind the limerence and therapy really helps to pin down what drives it. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by… Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. I really went full coo coo for a few moments in time. When she began dating another guy the painfully visible new relationship was unavoidable for me and so I had to be more alone than I have ever been in my life. After limerence, it's like trying to replace heroin with coffee. 5 years of NC). I have a very deep fear of abandonment and went through a traumatizing breakup 20 years ago which involved a core group of friends who my ex was also friends with. We ended up dating for a bit with the relationship ending October 25th. If the answer is no, you are going to regret it, because the possibility of your Lo not reciprocating is high, which made your expectations incompatible, which would lead to you suffering and literally giving yourself up, if you don’t truly recognize that, go no contact and forget them. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their My ex wants or wanted (idk which anymore) to be friends after our breakup but I was trying still to work through it thinking they were too and wanted to together or something. Limerence always fades when you get into a relationship with a LO, always. So I would say, take time to get to know people, friends, people you’re dating, learn what’s driving the limerence. So basically I struggle with unhealthy obsession with people I’m interested in. I just find myself thinking about my most recent breakup constantly. Or you know. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their I know a lot of people are working from a model that assumes limerence fades eventually when it is returned and consummated, and anyone who leaves a relationship once limerence is absent is a love addict or making a foolish choice, but I have seen many threads on Reddit that contradict this idea, with people describing limerent feelings for Even if you don't, you're probably going back and forth between r/nocontact and r/breakups and all the other breakup subreddits and websites and YouTube channels and coaches and instagram pages that post those inspirational breakup quotes that make you feel better for 0. Why did you break up? Posted by u/dystopika - No votes and no comments I haven’t had any interest in dating or the energy to give to anyone else in a long time. It is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Coping by jumping into other relationships before or immediately after a break up just screams not in love. There are plenty of others out there, just have a little patience. So I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. You are basically a junky and the breakup means you aren’t getting your fix of love/feel good/happy hormones. Similar, called off my engagement after meeting someone, no hanky panky. Attachment styles. But now in my healing I realise it was because I was filling a void and trying to convince myself I'd find someone else and it wasn't a big deal. its impossible. Through selfish actions, I broke up with my best friend 2017 (didn’t realize at the time and we were together for 6 years) because things were starting to get shaky (miscommunication within the relationship was damaging) he was a good guy but never expressed emotions but we worked well together. At the end of 2019, I fell into limerence with a man I barely knew. In my case, I have gone back and re-read all sorts of old chats and messages: this is probably a bad idea that feeds my limerence, but it also lets me see clearly that we were not a "perfect" couple (the way my stupid limerent brain imagines it), but we were good together, and we did communicate well. We did hook up once after my breakup, against my better judgement. love. Just like the bubble phase in a new relationship. He had all that new/young love rush that he had with me. I started dating a year after my last breakup, I don’t think I was 100000% ready for a relationship but you love and you learn. You recognize what limerence is, so you try to find support completely outside of your dating life. The ex is dating a girl for a couple years now that looks exactly like the acquaintance. . i have known him throughout school, not necessarily friends but would always end up at the same parties and stuff. A few days after the breakup, she told me she would always take me back if I asked her to. I was limerent for 2 years, I found the sub and after 4-5 months things started to improve. How do i tell what I’m feeling? I’ve only known them for about two weeks but we have talked everyday since then. You are just getting to know other humans, maybe exploring your sexuality, understanding the different dynamics you like and don't like from yourself and a partner. I'm 26 and was dumped from a fairly serious relationship back in December. I was dumped a year ago and downloaded a dating app tonight and swiped left on a bunch of people and then deleted. Sounds like you are on the right path. "This seems to be a massive problem with modern dating" absolutely a lot of folo and those who think there is an abundance online. Dated some and ive met some really fun interesting ppl on my road. we weren’t straight up obviously flirting but i Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Quite apart from the inherent fact that limerents and non-limerents will have different expectations , there are some habits in particular that will feed the killer combo 89 votes, 47 comments. It's the urges and yearning we feel early in a relationship. However, in every case, the limerence ended after the relationship started, and unfortunately I only have a sex drive when limerent. This is coming from someone who's been in a relationship with a couple of LO's. No bad blood we broke up out of love and still in contact. posts about relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if you are married post to r/marriage Posted by u/Lostintheair22 - 80 votes and 15 comments I downloaded dating apps 11 days after we broke up and matched with a few people, but none of them really clicked with me so the conversation never went on for long except for this one girl. The 5th one is currently in no contact mode for the last 2 months, after 8 months of deep love and a breakup I started because she was acting too avoidant. I felt similarly after a breakup of mine a few years ago. Share Add a Comment Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Hi Reddit! So i recently came across the word limerence on tiktok and it fit like a glove. Now 8 months later i actually enjoy my life alot. Worse part is, I feel deeply insecure and have a lack of self-worth, but thats for another subreddit. It's called "limerence. It’s okay to feel sad about it. I think Iv had 2 but post 3-6 months post break up The first one I treated her like an object The second I went through the whole cycle Pre rebound , honeymoon & believing she was my soul mate , to realisation to dodged bullet And she started dating me 6 days after ending hers And dating her Co worker 14 days after dating me I understand that limerence comes from a deeply unmet need that I found in my relationship with this particular person. We met on a self help group for divorce. According to research conducted by psychologists Albert Wakin and Dorothy Tennov, you actually can be obsessed with your ex to the point where it becomes dangerous. I have an acquaintance (use to be friends) jumped ship a week or two after the break up. and I’m struggling to find ways of moving on and healing when I don’t have other people to rely on. Some time after the break up I met the opposite of my ex. However, it never lasts. Hi Reddit! So I [19F] haven’t really had much of a successful dating life. I have crushed (limerence) on my coworker (30m) for about 2 years (started off as harmless). posts about relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if you are married post to r/marriage Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses "having a crush" on someone else although limerence, unlike a crush, can last months, years or even a lifetime. After the trip, communication lagged again, but I was dating and didn’t really care. From my prospective any girl that doesn’t reject you 100% or try to manipulate the conversation means that she might like you but she needs you to prove yourself, as an example; you tell a girl that you like her, then she rejects you with a response like that “ Idk I dont have any interests in these this sub is for advice about specific dating situations not general debates. After I helped her move, twice, after we split, she then made sure to let me know that we would never get back together. I've been seeing a therapist on Betterhelp for 6 months, watched nearly every video on how to get over a breakup; and have been watching attachment theory videos at least 4-6 hours a day for a week now. I did more and more dates and felt better and better. As well as ruminating about her, my rumination’s would replay the entire relationship over and over. In terms of dating, I wouldn’t stop but I would def seek a therapist to help you navigate this behavior if it’s a pattern you want to break. posts about relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if you are married post to r/marriage I didn't "chase" her after we broke up, I gave her some space, I did let her know on a few occasions that I did miss her and wanted to try and fix things. If the answer is yes, break up and go for it. Not because I didn't like anyone, but for two reasons. It’s been a year after my divorce and unconsciously I’ve kept falling into limerence patterns. I have a couple other women I'm seeing causally just to get needs met and am still dating. I felt stronger. I’m not looking for an emotional connection or a new boyfriend just someone to waste some time with guilt free. Hopefully this helps people feel less alone with where they're at and maybe give some hope to others. if your ex is shitty, you probably don’t owe them that, and if you only dated your ex for a short period of time, i don’t think it’s as big of a deal to move on After consulting many clients and reflecting on personal experiences it’s been found the tension of ambiguity and hope causes, develops, and sustains limerence after the LO (Love Object also referenced here as love interest) has injected some sort of “sparkle” into your life. She’s aware of my breakup. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their B decided to end things due to general incompatibility (which I totally agreed we were not a super good match) and it was a mature breakup. That was two years ago, and my feelings for Grace are still just as strong as when we were together. Anyways idk if its love or limerence but i need some encouragement to get through idk has anyone had to deal with that feeling? I feel so thrown away and abandoned. You've been going over and over the breakup and the Instead of aiming to make your limerence go away permanently, maybe use your favourite LO to make your limerence go dormant when you're ready? In my mind, LO02 has volunteered to help my elder Millennial self re-enter the online dating scene and generate attraction towards someone else that normally wouldn't be there. I know my ex was already out there playing the game after 3 months. It’s pretty awful- my first relationship of 6 years came to an end almost two months ago. I decided to go back home because there had been enough time between my ex and I, and I wanted us to coparent our children together. My limerence for him finally ended at the end of 2022 (after 1. Limerence is for the initial attraction and passionate desire to mate. Realized how emotionally bored I was and just didn't trust him but couldn't put my finger on it. So yes, dating was the cure for the limerence, but not in the way I think you mean. I'm on a limerence sub, it helped me move past my limerence. Whats wrong with Reddit today, Every post looks like someone is writing everything I do. We got back together again and it started a pattern of breakup, get back together, breakup this lasted for two years, until I started dating somebody else. I am in full limerence about her, and obviously daydreaming about us being together again. I became a dirty Hi Reddit! So i recently came across the word limerence on tiktok and it fit like a glove. I'd like for you to understand the concept of limerence vs. I decided to download a dating app 3 months after the break up. Just like AP(otato). there isnt. Take a break from serious dating for a little while to get your mind back in the right mindset. I dont think i can ever believe anyone anymore. I had to leave though because I was not being met halfway and was being disrespected. 10 votes, 22 comments. I just ended a 3 year relationship and I probably won’t date for a long time after this. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. Fast forward to the beginning of 2023, I proceed to fall into limerence with another man. At first it was fun as hell. This time I decided not to. nbcwcj ilbc wgohxd knmrgr bsronhe qia pksl uuhq dvsfrd lbqoi